Satirical News Report of the Day

In a performance guaranteed to raise some eyebrows in Delaware and beyond, Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell said at a senatorial debate last night that she strongly supports “the separation of speech and thought.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know if there’s anything about that in the Constitution,” she added.  “In the version of the Constitution that I read, Big Bird didn’t mention it.”

Ms. O’Donnell seemed stumped when the moderator asked whether there were any Supreme Court decisions she disagreed with, finally blurting out, “Ali v. Frazier.”

Her halting answers to many of the questions made some wonder why she had not written answers on her hand as her role model Sarah Palin has been known to do, but Ms. O’Donnell offered this explanation: “As you know, I believe it’s immoral to use your hand to help yourself.”

At the conclusion of the debate, Ms. O’Donnell pronounced herself pleased with her performance, saying that she would spend the next week concentrating on her Halloween costume: “I’m going as a qualified candidate.”

Elsewhere, the Texas Rangers advanced to the World Series, proving that once George W. Bush goes away things get better.

Borowitz Report